Transition to an upperclassman. Feelin' Old.

I apologize up front for the lack of updating (especially since I always call people out on not updating enough. But anyways, the title of this post is what I'm thinking about this evening. Just today I was telling someone, "Yeah, I did that when I was a freshman two years ago...oh shit! That was TWO YEARS AGO?!?!"

Time is passing my by and I realize, that I'm generally happy overall about how I've spent my two years of college life. I've grown into a much more sensible, relaxed, better version of who I was in high school. I've got an amazing start to what I think is going to be a highly rewarding and successful career, but most importantly, I have met people. Not only have I met people, but I've forged relationships with people that will last a lifetime. Relationships that have carried me through these past two years of university life and will carry me onward.

Were there things I would have done differently? Sure. No one in their right mind can sit here and say, "No, that was great. Exactly how I planned it." They'd be an asshole to sit here and try to convince you that they are 100% happy with the decisions they've made. Without going into too much detail, there were decisions that I made last year, habits that I slipped into, that I'm hoping to have learned from. I don't plan on making the same mistakes this year. The expected outcome of this is that I will be happier, less stressed, and more willing to be flexible and try new things.

A few resolutions for the new school year. I can't really think straight right now so I'm cutting this post short. Sorry :(

Talk to you soon. I've already seen some of you that I haven't seen in months, and its pretty awesome to be talking to you again.

Peace.

So I left you hanging...what I've been up to since.

Well, its pretty obvious that I was in a pretty low mood the other night when I made that post. But basically, I've been super frustrated with a lot of things lately: school, work, friends, fraternity responsibilities, girls, etc. (fill in the blank). I guess you could say its just been a giant clusterf**k of stuff thats been brewing and as a result I've spent the past few days really frustrated. Which I've come to find is pretty pointless because it distorts my thoughts of everything around me and prevents me from being the fully productive, capable, loving person I expect myself to be. But in my defense, I guess we all sort of have our moments. But that's all I have to say for that.

Moving right along on the update train...I've had a lot going on these past few days. Firstly, I saw a really (and I mean REALLY) bad sci-fi action flick. Ever heard of the movie Blade Runner? Well, I don't recommend it. At first I was like, "ok, this is something I wouldn't normally watch so its good that I'm experiencing something new." Plus, I saw that it had Harrison Ford in it and I know he is, indeed, a respectable actor. So I thought "this might be good." WRrrrong. Underneath the cheap gore, crappy synth music, and bad acting/narration on Ford's part, I'd have to say that this movie was pretty pointless in relaying any sort of message about our future and how humanity will live and work with artificial intelligence (which is, safe to say, what the goal of many sci fi works anyway). So moral of the story: Don't watch Blade Runner...haha.

Last night, I went to the hookah bar with two of my fraternity brothers. We usually go on Wednesdays because they have specials on drinks (we're college students and into saving money so why the hell not?). Plus its nice to go out and just relax in the middle of a work filled week. This place has comfy couches, dim lighting, some of my favorite alt rock music (Coldplay, John Mayer, Something Corporate, The Bravery, Jack's Mannequin). A relaxing place right? Absolutely. Well, it changes drastically at around 10 pm. So what happens? First of all, it becomes BRO city with your typical meat-head, sideways flat brimmed hat wearing, fluorescent colored shorts, thong sandal wearing douche bags. They're all really loud, drunk, and obnoxious dudes. Eh, whatever. Then a bunch of underaged high school girls come in and its like a family reunion in the middle of the entire bar as they all scream loudly and greet each other. They're cute and all but unfortunately they're obnoxious as hell. And my brothers who are with me agree. Lastly, the music takes a big hike in decibel level and the soulful sounds of John Mayer and Death Cab for Cutie turn into thumping hip/hop/club/dance music that makes your head feel like its going to explode. Now, with my personality, I'm much more likely to sit there with the chill music in the background and try to have a real conversation with the people who have gathered around the table with me. But that's not how its going to be. Oh well, not much I can do about it. So about 20 minutes later, these two really cute girls come over and sit down next to us. We all introduce ourselves and they do the same. We get a good conversation started up and they're going to stick around and hang out with us they say. So...we get some drinks for everyone at the table. Then the girls go "we're still thirsty". They seem cool enough, me and my brothers agree, so we go ahead and get another round. Then ANOTHER round. We're having a pretty good time getting to know these girls and then they go to the "bathroom". We sat there and waited another 20 minutes and they never showed back up. NOT cool. We were completely taken advantage of. Stood up.

That is so wrong and unfair. If you're a girl out there reading this, I'm begging you: Don't ever do that to guys. All we wanted to do is have a good time and enjoy the company of these girls and they ripped us off. Just take note. But you know what, today I woke up and I'm over it. Yeah it sucks, but there's no point in losing sleep over it. So life goes on. I just hope I meet better people in the future.

Today, I woke up and went for a run. After that, I did some good hard house cleaning. I've been off a few days this week (rare for me, keep in mind) so when I'm not at work, I make a point to make improvements around the house. So last night I made a phone call to the head of custodial services for my college campus (nice people by the way) and asked if they would come haul away two of our fraternity house's old grills and an old sofa chair. They told me they'd come out the following morning. So when I got back from my run this morning, there were two guys with a big truck loading up the junk! Awesome! After they were finished, I cleaned the entire side driveway of the house. This included sweeping up all of the dead leaves mixed with vomit and beer cans and scooping them into the trash. I also swept off the front and side paver patios of our house and I have to say: they have never looked so good! My other goal for today: Hang our house's new 58 inch plasma screen TV. I've got to go get a hammer drill to do this though...But I feel extremely productive and this makes me really happy.

So that's really about it in terms of what I've been up to. My family will be coming in this weekend and we're going to go to a really awesome museum and hit up a ball game and get some good food at some of my local restaurants. My sister is going to stay in the house with me while my parents get a hotel...should be interesting. Yikes.

So my final thought. I'll confess that part of the reason I was so upset the other night is that I miss people. Friends (old and new) who I'm not near this summer. Here's the thing: I really try to keep up with people from school and people from home. I call people a lot. I write people a lot. And I feel like nobody really gives a damn about what I'm up to this summer. Maybe not even that so much....just the fact that no one has ever really called me up to say "what's new?" or "how are things going up there?" My family, who lives 250 miles away from me, doesn't even really do it and I get sort of pissed about it. It kind of hurts, actually. I'm pretty sure people don't realize it, and mean nothing by it but it frustrates me nevertheless.

Goal for the next post: Less venting. Less talking about my social life. More talking about something profound?? Eh. I'll work on that one. Maybe I'll have a funny story for next time. For those who read this far: thanks. I promise I read everyone else's blog, and I really enjoy it.

Hope everyone's doing okay out there, wherever you are. Here's to what's left of summer! Peace.

How do I put this?

I'm not in a good mood right now, at all. I feel very...conflicted and angry. The worst part is, there are so many things running through my mind and I've just been trying to make sense of it all this entire evening. Not even absolute silence is helping. All I can really say: I feel so alone right now. Maybe more on this later when I can make more sense of my thoughts. But right now, I need to try to sleep and I'm not entirely sure that's possible.

Goodnight.

What I've Grown to Learn So Far This Summer.

I need to do more for myself, in terms of having fun this summer. So far, all I can legitimately say I've done is worked, researched, worked some more, and gone to class. Reminder: Yes. I asked for all of this. This is what I wanted. Therefore, do I really have the right to complain about any of it? Not so much. And I'm not really complaining I suppose, just coming to the realization that I can, and must allow, for some fun things to happen during the summer. 

So this past weekend I went to the beach for an entire day and had a great time. Got a little sunburnt, but at least I got some vitamin D because I don't see the sun much where I live. Went to this roadside hot dog stand afterwards and ate some good, fried, LDL loaded, artery clogging food. Excellent indeed. The day after, I went ice skating at the recreation center with a few friends. Then, since it was a nice day, took a drive over to an outdoor shopping mall and did some walking around to enjoy the weather a little bit. Ended up buying an expensive pair of jeans, but oh well. Its nice to enjoy a little of your money now and then. 

And now that I've written about all of this, I've come to another realization: there is nothing terribly exciting about my summer. Yet, I'm not really unhappy. I think this summer has been HUGELY self improvement, which I am a big fan of. And so far, I feel like I've been successful in that respect. Between improving my nursing knowledge, going to class, learning the ropes of research, working out and going through self taught fiscal responsibility, I feel like I've come miles in just a short amount of time. 

Luckily, I got a phone call a few days ago from my mom. Now, I have to admit, I love my mom to death but she will call you to say something that only takes 3 minutes and end up talking for 30! Oh boy. Anyways, she called to tell me that we (my family) are going on vacation for a week and that I should schedule off of work in advance. I was even more pleased to hear that they bought me a plane ticket so I wouldn't have to go the extra long distance since I'm not living at home anymore. I was very pleased about this and am really looking forward to going away in a month. 

I have so far to go. In general. Take that as you will. But its only the understanding of how far I've come that will keep me motivated. Think I'm going to go out with some of my brothers tonight. I need it. But my challenge to myself and everyone else: don't forget to make time for yourself. It will keep you sane in the long run. I'm guilty of losing sight of this often. So again and again, I remind myself. 

One more thing: to those of you who blog - I haven't seen much blogging lately! Write! I really want something to read and I want to know how you're doing. If you don't blog, well...maybe you should. Its therapeutic. I feel better already :) 

Hope to hear from you soon. Peace!

Worn. Out.

I don't have too much on my mind at the moment, except the fact that I know its been about two weeks since my last update and I felt like maybe I would just write about everything that's been going on recently. So, here we go!

To start, I have been driving home to my parents' house the past 3 weekends in a row. My sister graduated high school, had her senior dance recital and massive party at my parents' house (and, of course, I was recruited to help with all the logistics). I'm proud of her. I think she will do great in college. I do however worry about her, but thats a discussion for another time. 

I love my family, I love being home. However, driving four hours there and four hours back to where I currently live takes A LOT of energy out of my weekend. Who would have ever thought?  Its a pretty mindless chore, cruise control/lane changing and all. Basically, I just crank my music and don't stop unless I have to get gas or go to the bathroom. Its my time to just zone out and allow thoughts to come to me. Ironically, nothing too profound has popped into my head. Just the thought that maybe this summer I've bitten off more than I can chew. But let me tell you: I'm going to chew it. 

That brings me to my next topic: Work. I've been working my ass off over the past few weeks. Last week, they put me on nights. This means I get to work at 11 pm and don't leave until 7:30 am the next morning. I didn't think it would be all that bad. Damn was I wrong. I don't think I've ever consumed that much coffee in my life. And you figure, working in a hospital, that most of the patients will be asleep not needing much. Not necessarily the case. There are labs to be drawn, vitals to be taken, cultures to be obtained, IV tubing to be primed, etc. I am glad to have my evening shift back starting next week. 

Today I started class. Right now, I don't have a great read on how its going to be work wise, but I think I'm going to like the class in general. Its about Science Fiction works (which I know NOTHING about) but the introduction today was actually quite interesting despite the fact I had to try so hard not to fall asleep after my hectic work and travel schedule. 

I'm a bit music deprived. I've been needing a piano to sit at. Badly. I'm working on convincing my house to buy one. Even for $500 bucks, thats hard to convince them to do. I'll update if this changes. 

So thats really it for now. I think I'll go to the bookstore and walk around the mall, just because I can. I don't have work at either of my two jobs today (imagine that?). So to everyone out there, keep blogging! I love to take some time to sit down, relax and catch up on how people are doing. Talk to you all soon, expect more frequent posts. 

Peace.

Hammers and Strings

Its good to be home this weekend. I've been away for about three months and I really needed this time to catch up with my family (not to mention the fact that my sister is graduating from high school this weekend). However, this weekend has been a reminder of how my past is still following and haunting me. By past, I mean my time with the band. 

I've been to a few graduation parties over the past few days. Its usually a great way to reconnect with old friends and see people who you haven't talked to in a really long time. But to make things awkward, I've had so many people ask about the band. "I love your music!" says one person I know. "I bought all of your stuff on iTunes and listen to it all the time! When will your full length be coming out?" It makes my stomach turn when I have to tell people about the choices I've made. It causes me pain to think about the friendships I formed with the other members of the band and how they have dissolved completely over the past few months. No more are those late nights of me lying in bed, wide awake after a show, with my ears ringing and pulse pounding. It was such a big part of my life. And as lame as it sounds, I've had issues with letting it go. 

This afternoon at a graduation party, there was a local cover band playing. Between songs the host yells, "Have you guys ever heard of that band, (fill in my band's name here *privacy*)?" And I'm thinking "Yeah right lady. You really think they will have ever heard of us?" Much to my surprise, the lead singer goes, "Yeah...(pause) as a matter of fact I have! Great songwriting! I even went to one of their shows a year back when they opened for (insert headliner here) and I  left being more impressed with them than (insert headliner here)!"

I just melted inside. I can't even believe that something I've been so quick to just want to leave in the past has left such a lasting impression on so many people. Who knows what will happen to the band, but the bottom line is this: Music lasts forever. After tonight, I'm a little bit more grounded and remember that I believe everything happens for a reason. I could write an entire blog post on my view of "fate" but I'll spare that for now. 

I'm a piano player, it was my first "musical love" I guess you can say. For those who don't know, a piano is made up of hammers and strings that give the piano sound. I love playing, I will always love playing. I'll leave you with a song by the band Jack's Mannequin that describes this aspect (and other aspects) my life right now. Plus, its pretty much been stuck in my head all day:

These hammers and strings been following me around

From a box-filled garage to the dark punk rock clubs of one thousand American towns

And my friend calls me up, she says "How have you been?"

I say "Dear I've been well! Yeah, the money's come in, but I miss you like hell.

I still hear you in this old piano"

She says, "Andy, I know that we don't talk as much but I still hear your ghost in these old punk rock clubs. Come on, write me a song. Give me something to trust. Just promise you won't let it be just the keys that you touch."

Give me something to believe in. 

A breath from the breathing. So write it down, I don't think that I'll close my eyes.

'Cause lately I'm not dreaming, so what's the point in sleeping?

Its just that at night, I've got nowhere to hide.

So I write you a lullaby.

These hammers and strings been following me around. 

Behind passenger vans, through the snow, dirt and sands, of one thousand American towns.

And my friend calls me up with her heart heavy still

She says, "Andy, the doctors prescribed me the pills.

but I know I'm not crazy, I just lost my will. 

So why am I? Why am I taking them still?

Give me something to believe in. 

A breath from the breathing. So write it down, I don't think that I'll close my eyes.

'Cause lately I'm not dreaming, so what's the point in sleeping?

Its just that at night, I've got nowhere to hide.

To the sleepless this is my reply:

I write you a lullaby.

Goodnight. Sleep well. Peace.

Its Been Awhile, but Its all Going Well.

This week was my first week working the new job at the hospital. I really really enjoyed my first week, but boy did it wear me out! The day shifts start at 7 am and I worked four of them back to back this week. Plus, I was out on a Wednesday night because a good friend of mine turned 21. Work hard, play hard. Thats the motto I usually live by. 

I really don't have many complaints as of lately. The only thing is that I'm sad because I miss people who have gone away for the summer. But it really makes my day to talk to them every now and then, whether it be on the phone, text, email, etc. 

Also, this past week, I had a really good conversation with a friend who I haven't known for very long. Turns out, they really motivated me to give some aspects of my life a chance. I was down about something I wasn't really so sure about, but this friend reminded me that I need to have the courage to give some things a chance. I can't really elaborate on that now, but maybe if/when the time is appropriate, I will. It made me that much more glad that I'm friends with that person now. 

I'll be visiting home this coming weekend, as the sister will be graduating high school. Boy do I feel old. Looking forward to it very much. I love my family and miss them. It will be good to catch up after all these months away.

Something I learned this week that I want to leave with you: compliment people often. Telling someone something positive about themselves can bring a smile to their face and it just makes you feel really warm inside. This world would be better if we all just took a few seconds to tell each other what we admire in each other.

Have a good week. Enjoy the beautiful weather, if you have it where you are :P 

Peace.

I Need Something More Genuine...

Alright. I can't fall asleep because I have this on my mind (I have trouble sleeping if stuff is bothering me, its just how I am). If you're reading, don't assume I'm talking about you and get all worried, most of this is just general. And don't take this the wrong way but I feel like I need more genuine relationships. That's just it, plain and simple. One of my pet peeves is fake people. Don't play mind games with me, tell me how something is. If you have a problem with something, let me know. Be honest. Lack of communication never solved anything. 

Take my most recent girlfriend for example. She would never come out and say (immediately) how she felt about something and this drove me nuts! If there is something you need to say, just come right and and say it for shit's sake!

I want friendships that are real. Friendships with substance. Sometimes I feel like that may be asking for too much, but I feel like I am constantly giving and giving of myself and not receiving anything in return. I don't know how better else to explain it right now than this: sometimes, I feel like the effort I put into my friendships with certain people is not reciprocated. Yet, I believe this is the life I'm called to: To love without expecting it in return all the time. But I'm finding you can only go so far without receiving love in return before it starts to truly wear on you.

 I don't know if any of this makes sense. I'm not going to go back and read it because I'm working at 7 am tomorrow and I really need to fall asleep like its my job. 

If you take away anything from this post, let it be this: I love my friends. Really. No bullshit, I love them. I am a bit overprotective of them at times. I don't care, its how I'm hardwired as a human being. I would do anything for my friends. I lose heart because I wonder and wonder and wonder...does it go the same way for me? This was rough. Until next time. Goodnight.

This is your time.

As said before, music has such a huge impact on my life. For most of my life, I never really paid much attention to the lyrics in music or the stories that they often tell. Not because I made the conscious decision to just not pay attention to them, but because I'm an instrumentalist so I pay much more attention to rhythms, meter, instrumentation, etc. Then I met my band mates and they opened my eyes to how lyrics are just as much an important part of the song as instrumentation. Ever since, I've understood that can lyrics speak in ways that normal sentences cannot. 

I've talked about transitions I'm going through right now. This has made me realize that there is a time for everything in life (the general theme of my post). With this thought, I recall a song by the band "Between the Trees" called "A Time for Yohe". The chorus goes like this: 

This is your time to weep

This is your time to mourn

Not yet time to build up

Just a time to tear down

Old walls

The chorus of the song bears a striking resemblance to a verse in the Bible. Not too many individuals know it, but Christianity is a pretty important part of my life. I'm not perfect at it by any means what-so-ever, but I find a great deal of meaning in reading what the Bible has to say. Ecclesiastes 3 says the following: 

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven;

A time to be born, and a time to die

A time to plant, and a time to uproot

A time to kill, and a time to heal

A time to tear down, and a time to build

A time to weep, and a time to laugh

A time to mourn, and a time to dance

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them

A time to embrace, and a time to refrain

A time to search, and a time to give up

A time to keep, and a time to throw away

A time to tear, and a time to mend

A time to be silent, and a time to speak

A time to love, and a time to hate

A time for war, and a time for peace

Without going too in-depth, both of these passages, song and book, remind me that we go through trials and tribulations in this life. There are speed bumps in the road to slow us down and help us re evaluate where we're going, who we're becoming. Each experience, whether we see it as a blessing or curse, is something that we can take away from, learn from. I don't always keep this in perspective. With the bad, I will remember to take bits of good with me. 

Hindsight is always 20/20. I've been in circumstances where I'm not happy with decisions I've made. Again, I'm far from being perfect. But in the end, I'm happy to say that I've taken something from those experiences and helped shape the better person I try to become every day. 

On that note, I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes. It comes from author Matthew Kelly. I have it printed on a piece of paper, stuck to my wall so that I see it in the morning when I'm getting ready for my day. Maybe you think its cheesy that I do this,  but I think it helps me start off the day on the right foot. Kelly poses this simple question to himself each day: 

"What will it take today for me to become the better person I know I can be?"

I want to challenge each of you (whoever reads what I have to say) to do all you can every day to be the better version of yourself that you know you are capable of being. After all, as the Jon Foreman from Switchfoot asks in one of his songs, "This is your life. Are you who you want to be?" (ok enough with the quotes now). 

This was a bit heavy. But its been on my heart recently and I felt like sharing it. Until next time. Peace.

One door shuts. Another opens.

A new chapter of my life is starting this summer. And like the title says, the door of my sophomore year has closed and the door to the other half of my undergraduate career has opened and its kind of exciting. Also, I apologize for not updating since my initial post but my life has been a little more than crazy lately. I am grateful to have a few followers now because I now I feel like I have more of an audience to write for and I really enjoy reading what everyone else has to say! Its kind of affirming to know that people actually care about what you have to say on here.

So this past Friday, I moved out of my residence hall (I call them that because my boss at undergraduate admission shudders at the word "dorm"). I was actually quite prepared, everything taken down and put into boxes for the most part. I was moving into the fraternity house, which I was very happy about, but the guy who was living in my room happened to move out 2 hours after he said he would. I'm over it now, but I was a bit edgy at the time I'll admit. Then, he didn't clean the room, left stuff in some of the drawers AND left me a wardrobe with one door. Long story short, I was rushed to get out of the residence hall before it closed and into my new room over at the house. Thanks to my best friend, I made it happen. I would have never been able to do it without his help. However, the only problem was, I left immediately afterwards to go on a weekend long canoe trip with some of my brothers. 

The canoe trip was a freeing experience. No really, I'm not bullshitting here. It was so relaxing! I love to canoe (been several times now), and my partner was an alumnus from the chapter who I really didn't know that well. Talking with him and getting to know him better was a great experience. We talked about our jobs, life in general, the chapter and the way it used to be, and so many other things. He had been on several really intense week-long canoe trips out of the country so this weekend getaway was child's play for him. We were always up ahead of everyone else, surveying the river and giving other people tips on how to navigate the fallen tree branches and rocks. We didn't tip once! Some of us in the group were not so lucky. One my brothers, after tipping out of the canoe, grabbed a tree branch to avoid being swept away by the current and ended up with a pretty nasty "tree burn" down his arm along with a small puncture wound from a fishing hook. A quick dressing from me (yay nursing skills) out of my first aid kit made things better. This sounds cheesy, but I love being that guy that people call on when they're hurt or need help. We camped on the river Saturday night and canoed the rest of the way into the livery on Sunday. We covered 35 miles on the river. Then I dropped in to see my Dad for a few hours before making the long drive back up to campus. Unfortunately, my mom and sister were at a dance competition. 

So, I got in late (midnight ish) back to campus and just wanted to sleep. Remember, everything I own is still in boxes at this point. I cleared a path through the boxes to my bed, set my alarm and passed out. This morning, I sat through corporate training for the new job for 8 hours (met a cute southern girl here on an internship for the summer) and ended up back to my pile of boxes at the end of the day. Sweet. 

My room (several hours later now) is starting to feel a bit more like home. I fixed the wardrobe and have started hanging a few things on the walls. Its good to get settled in. I'm about to go grocery shopping. GROCERY SHOPPING! This is such a daunting task. I never thought I'd say it, but I feel like fending for my own meals will be tough. However, a new experience and something to learn from. 

Why have I rambled about all this? Well, so you would know how busy I really was and also, so you could possibly see how my life is starting to take a different direction. A good direction. Nevertheless, I am still adjusting to some of the changes. One of them is no longer having a girlfriend. YES, I know. It didn't last for that long, and I'm not dwelling on it. But I actually thought about it today for the first time in about a week, and how it just really sucks that things turned out the way they did. I mean, I wasn't even able to salvage a friendship with this girl. That was her choice though. And if that's the way she wants it then...well...I guess that's how its going to be. 

To conclude, I hope people actually do, indeed, want to be reading what I have to say. I hope people will continue to blog because I enjoy reading them! To all my friends who have left me for the summer, I hope that you are getting the relaxation you deserve after a good year. I miss you, and will probably be trying to talk to you every now and then. Don't ever hesitate to drop me a line. I love hearing from people. So, until next time. Peace.

So lets give this a try...

"It was the best of times. It was the worst of times." I can't stand Charles' Dickens novel, A Tale of Two Cities, but this quote is what comes to mind when I think about my life right now, and I will elaborate with all of the awesome things I have going for me along with the speed bumps I've encountered along the way. And not to be all melodramatic on my first ever blog post but I feel like this would be an effective way to introduce myself. 

Before I get started, I'm blogging on the recommendation of a good friend of mine. I'm hesitant, but I'm going to give this a shot. Let's start with something good:

I got an awesome job offer for this summer! Its in the line of work that I'm studying for and it pays well. Besides that, I think it will be a great experience. I worked really hard on the job application and it paid off. I'll work this job, as well as continue my work as a research assistant this summer. AND I have to take a class that I'm going to hate....oh well. Lets get it out of the way now. I'll live in my fraternity house, so that will be fun. Thus, I move to my next topic.

I'm in a fraternity (of which, I'm happy to say, I was recently elected vice president of) and its pretty much the best decisions I've ever made since coming to college. One of the best decisions in my life, I'd venture to go that far I suppose. In this fraternity, I've had the chance to make some of the best friends I've ever had. I knew joining would be a life long commitment and I now understand that the commitment goes beyond the organization itself but reaches as far as the relationships you will have with your brothers the rest of your life. Not bad for a "drinking club, eh?" (with a tone of sarcasm). In the greek fraternity system, we have big brothers and little brothers. The big brother is the guy who is always there for his little, a mentor of sorts I guess you could say. He is always looking out for his little, no matter what. I love my big, he's the man. He can always make me laugh and put a smile on my face, even when I'm in the worst of moods.  Then, there is my little. Finding out that I was chosen to fill the position of a "big brother" in the fraternity was one of the happiest moments of my life. He's smart, athletic, hilarious and just a great kid who inspires me in a lot of ways. I am so glad our paths crossed. I could go on forever about our friendship but the bottom line is he's an important part of my life and I feel like I'm a pretty good big brother to him and I wouldn't have this any other way. 

Now for something recent that happened that kind of sent me over the edge. Don't worry, I've since recovered. But I started dating this girl who I felt was amazing. We just connected so quickly and things evolved from there into my first serious relationship in almost two years. However, the whole thing quickly went downhill. She wasn't really the person I originally thought she was. And as bad as this sounds: The more I hung out with her, the more I realized there were some things about her that made my stomach turn. Quite literally. I hesitated to end things, thinking I hadn't really given it a chance but I realized that I am who I am, and she is who she is. There is simply no changing this. So, I grew a pair and ended it. Not fun. Plus she did not take it well at all. She acted pretty immature, actually. Further proof that she wasn't right for me. I'm doing surprisingly well, but that doesn't mean I'm not really disappointed that things didn't work out between the two of us. (Heavy sigh).

On another note, there is my best friend. We've had our fair share of problems but I really enjoy being around him and spending time with him. We are COMPLETELY different people but we just get along with each other so well. However, things have been sort of different. Recently, I've kind of been questioning if he even really cares about me anymore. Sometimes, I feel ignored by him. Other times, I feel like he is deliberately being distant and I can't quite figure out why. I'm always extremely courteous to him, but I don't feel like this is reciprocated. The same day I was thinking about breaking up with the girl, I was so torn up about how he had been treating me and I just couldn't settle down. Instead of doing something drastic (like saying things I don't really mean), I went downstairs to sit at the piano and play, one of my favorite things to do. I had forgotten how much music just melts away at your anxiety, your anger. After that I could think much more rationally. Later that night, I broke up with the girl and guess who the first one there to comfort me was? My best friend. So we had a heart to heart and it turns out, he doesn't realize most of the time he treats me the way he does and apologized for it, reassuring me he's always here for me when I need him. I'm glad to have this aspect of my life resolved.

The last thing I'll talk about (sorry this is so long) is my love for music that I started to mention briefly before. I play three instruments and from age 6 and onward, music has been an undeniably HUGE part of my life. I've played in several bands, some of which have toured all over the United States and world (including Africa and London England). I just recently quit my band of two and half years to stay in school. I know right? People look at me like I'm crazy sometimes. The band will be living out in Los Angeles, California working with two Grammy Award-Winning producers. Now, this is cool, yet it is a huge gamble because there is no major label affiliated with this deal. Deciding to leave this band was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made in my life. Leaving has caused all sorts of complications between me and the members (legally and emotionally) and I don't feel that I'll ever really be close friends with any of them ever again, as sad as that is to say. I get quite depressed about it a lot, and people don't realize it because I just don't talk openly about it. I'm still not quite over it but nevertheless, I play on, not for hundreds of people this time but for myself - which can be so much more rewarding I've found. 

Thanks for reading (whoever will decide to follow this thing?) and I feel like this was just a giant cluster of stuff about me. In the future, I'd like to take a bit more of a profound, insightful approach to my posting. Because, in my opinion, blogging should be beneficial to the blogger as well as the reader. If you found anything beneficial about reading about all the "stuff" that is going on with me right now...well great. Come back in the future. Even if you didn't find anything beneficial, come back in the future. 

PS - I won't be providing names, or details about stuff on this page for privacy, etc. Plus I like to keep people guessing at times :P