Before I get started, I'm blogging on the recommendation of a good friend of mine. I'm hesitant, but I'm going to give this a shot. Let's start with something good:
I got an awesome job offer for this summer! Its in the line of work that I'm studying for and it pays well. Besides that, I think it will be a great experience. I worked really hard on the job application and it paid off. I'll work this job, as well as continue my work as a research assistant this summer. AND I have to take a class that I'm going to hate....oh well. Lets get it out of the way now. I'll live in my fraternity house, so that will be fun. Thus, I move to my next topic.
I'm in a fraternity (of which, I'm happy to say, I was recently elected vice president of) and its pretty much the best decisions I've ever made since coming to college. One of the best decisions in my life, I'd venture to go that far I suppose. In this fraternity, I've had the chance to make some of the best friends I've ever had. I knew joining would be a life long commitment and I now understand that the commitment goes beyond the organization itself but reaches as far as the relationships you will have with your brothers the rest of your life. Not bad for a "drinking club, eh?" (with a tone of sarcasm). In the greek fraternity system, we have big brothers and little brothers. The big brother is the guy who is always there for his little, a mentor of sorts I guess you could say. He is always looking out for his little, no matter what. I love my big, he's the man. He can always make me laugh and put a smile on my face, even when I'm in the worst of moods. Then, there is my little. Finding out that I was chosen to fill the position of a "big brother" in the fraternity was one of the happiest moments of my life. He's smart, athletic, hilarious and just a great kid who inspires me in a lot of ways. I am so glad our paths crossed. I could go on forever about our friendship but the bottom line is he's an important part of my life and I feel like I'm a pretty good big brother to him and I wouldn't have this any other way.
Now for something recent that happened that kind of sent me over the edge. Don't worry, I've since recovered. But I started dating this girl who I felt was amazing. We just connected so quickly and things evolved from there into my first serious relationship in almost two years. However, the whole thing quickly went downhill. She wasn't really the person I originally thought she was. And as bad as this sounds: The more I hung out with her, the more I realized there were some things about her that made my stomach turn. Quite literally. I hesitated to end things, thinking I hadn't really given it a chance but I realized that I am who I am, and she is who she is. There is simply no changing this. So, I grew a pair and ended it. Not fun. Plus she did not take it well at all. She acted pretty immature, actually. Further proof that she wasn't right for me. I'm doing surprisingly well, but that doesn't mean I'm not really disappointed that things didn't work out between the two of us. (Heavy sigh).
On another note, there is my best friend. We've had our fair share of problems but I really enjoy being around him and spending time with him. We are COMPLETELY different people but we just get along with each other so well. However, things have been sort of different. Recently, I've kind of been questioning if he even really cares about me anymore. Sometimes, I feel ignored by him. Other times, I feel like he is deliberately being distant and I can't quite figure out why. I'm always extremely courteous to him, but I don't feel like this is reciprocated. The same day I was thinking about breaking up with the girl, I was so torn up about how he had been treating me and I just couldn't settle down. Instead of doing something drastic (like saying things I don't really mean), I went downstairs to sit at the piano and play, one of my favorite things to do. I had forgotten how much music just melts away at your anxiety, your anger. After that I could think much more rationally. Later that night, I broke up with the girl and guess who the first one there to comfort me was? My best friend. So we had a heart to heart and it turns out, he doesn't realize most of the time he treats me the way he does and apologized for it, reassuring me he's always here for me when I need him. I'm glad to have this aspect of my life resolved.
The last thing I'll talk about (sorry this is so long) is my love for music that I started to mention briefly before. I play three instruments and from age 6 and onward, music has been an undeniably HUGE part of my life. I've played in several bands, some of which have toured all over the United States and world (including Africa and London England). I just recently quit my band of two and half years to stay in school. I know right? People look at me like I'm crazy sometimes. The band will be living out in Los Angeles, California working with two Grammy Award-Winning producers. Now, this is cool, yet it is a huge gamble because there is no major label affiliated with this deal. Deciding to leave this band was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made in my life. Leaving has caused all sorts of complications between me and the members (legally and emotionally) and I don't feel that I'll ever really be close friends with any of them ever again, as sad as that is to say. I get quite depressed about it a lot, and people don't realize it because I just don't talk openly about it. I'm still not quite over it but nevertheless, I play on, not for hundreds of people this time but for myself - which can be so much more rewarding I've found.
Thanks for reading (whoever will decide to follow this thing?) and I feel like this was just a giant cluster of stuff about me. In the future, I'd like to take a bit more of a profound, insightful approach to my posting. Because, in my opinion, blogging should be beneficial to the blogger as well as the reader. If you found anything beneficial about reading about all the "stuff" that is going on with me right now...well great. Come back in the future. Even if you didn't find anything beneficial, come back in the future.
PS - I won't be providing names, or details about stuff on this page for privacy, etc. Plus I like to keep people guessing at times :P
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