Transition to an upperclassman. Feelin' Old.

I apologize up front for the lack of updating (especially since I always call people out on not updating enough. But anyways, the title of this post is what I'm thinking about this evening. Just today I was telling someone, "Yeah, I did that when I was a freshman two years ago...oh shit! That was TWO YEARS AGO?!?!"

Time is passing my by and I realize, that I'm generally happy overall about how I've spent my two years of college life. I've grown into a much more sensible, relaxed, better version of who I was in high school. I've got an amazing start to what I think is going to be a highly rewarding and successful career, but most importantly, I have met people. Not only have I met people, but I've forged relationships with people that will last a lifetime. Relationships that have carried me through these past two years of university life and will carry me onward.

Were there things I would have done differently? Sure. No one in their right mind can sit here and say, "No, that was great. Exactly how I planned it." They'd be an asshole to sit here and try to convince you that they are 100% happy with the decisions they've made. Without going into too much detail, there were decisions that I made last year, habits that I slipped into, that I'm hoping to have learned from. I don't plan on making the same mistakes this year. The expected outcome of this is that I will be happier, less stressed, and more willing to be flexible and try new things.

A few resolutions for the new school year. I can't really think straight right now so I'm cutting this post short. Sorry :(

Talk to you soon. I've already seen some of you that I haven't seen in months, and its pretty awesome to be talking to you again.

Peace.

So I left you hanging...what I've been up to since.

Well, its pretty obvious that I was in a pretty low mood the other night when I made that post. But basically, I've been super frustrated with a lot of things lately: school, work, friends, fraternity responsibilities, girls, etc. (fill in the blank). I guess you could say its just been a giant clusterf**k of stuff thats been brewing and as a result I've spent the past few days really frustrated. Which I've come to find is pretty pointless because it distorts my thoughts of everything around me and prevents me from being the fully productive, capable, loving person I expect myself to be. But in my defense, I guess we all sort of have our moments. But that's all I have to say for that.

Moving right along on the update train...I've had a lot going on these past few days. Firstly, I saw a really (and I mean REALLY) bad sci-fi action flick. Ever heard of the movie Blade Runner? Well, I don't recommend it. At first I was like, "ok, this is something I wouldn't normally watch so its good that I'm experiencing something new." Plus, I saw that it had Harrison Ford in it and I know he is, indeed, a respectable actor. So I thought "this might be good." WRrrrong. Underneath the cheap gore, crappy synth music, and bad acting/narration on Ford's part, I'd have to say that this movie was pretty pointless in relaying any sort of message about our future and how humanity will live and work with artificial intelligence (which is, safe to say, what the goal of many sci fi works anyway). So moral of the story: Don't watch Blade Runner...haha.

Last night, I went to the hookah bar with two of my fraternity brothers. We usually go on Wednesdays because they have specials on drinks (we're college students and into saving money so why the hell not?). Plus its nice to go out and just relax in the middle of a work filled week. This place has comfy couches, dim lighting, some of my favorite alt rock music (Coldplay, John Mayer, Something Corporate, The Bravery, Jack's Mannequin). A relaxing place right? Absolutely. Well, it changes drastically at around 10 pm. So what happens? First of all, it becomes BRO city with your typical meat-head, sideways flat brimmed hat wearing, fluorescent colored shorts, thong sandal wearing douche bags. They're all really loud, drunk, and obnoxious dudes. Eh, whatever. Then a bunch of underaged high school girls come in and its like a family reunion in the middle of the entire bar as they all scream loudly and greet each other. They're cute and all but unfortunately they're obnoxious as hell. And my brothers who are with me agree. Lastly, the music takes a big hike in decibel level and the soulful sounds of John Mayer and Death Cab for Cutie turn into thumping hip/hop/club/dance music that makes your head feel like its going to explode. Now, with my personality, I'm much more likely to sit there with the chill music in the background and try to have a real conversation with the people who have gathered around the table with me. But that's not how its going to be. Oh well, not much I can do about it. So about 20 minutes later, these two really cute girls come over and sit down next to us. We all introduce ourselves and they do the same. We get a good conversation started up and they're going to stick around and hang out with us they say. So...we get some drinks for everyone at the table. Then the girls go "we're still thirsty". They seem cool enough, me and my brothers agree, so we go ahead and get another round. Then ANOTHER round. We're having a pretty good time getting to know these girls and then they go to the "bathroom". We sat there and waited another 20 minutes and they never showed back up. NOT cool. We were completely taken advantage of. Stood up.

That is so wrong and unfair. If you're a girl out there reading this, I'm begging you: Don't ever do that to guys. All we wanted to do is have a good time and enjoy the company of these girls and they ripped us off. Just take note. But you know what, today I woke up and I'm over it. Yeah it sucks, but there's no point in losing sleep over it. So life goes on. I just hope I meet better people in the future.

Today, I woke up and went for a run. After that, I did some good hard house cleaning. I've been off a few days this week (rare for me, keep in mind) so when I'm not at work, I make a point to make improvements around the house. So last night I made a phone call to the head of custodial services for my college campus (nice people by the way) and asked if they would come haul away two of our fraternity house's old grills and an old sofa chair. They told me they'd come out the following morning. So when I got back from my run this morning, there were two guys with a big truck loading up the junk! Awesome! After they were finished, I cleaned the entire side driveway of the house. This included sweeping up all of the dead leaves mixed with vomit and beer cans and scooping them into the trash. I also swept off the front and side paver patios of our house and I have to say: they have never looked so good! My other goal for today: Hang our house's new 58 inch plasma screen TV. I've got to go get a hammer drill to do this though...But I feel extremely productive and this makes me really happy.

So that's really about it in terms of what I've been up to. My family will be coming in this weekend and we're going to go to a really awesome museum and hit up a ball game and get some good food at some of my local restaurants. My sister is going to stay in the house with me while my parents get a hotel...should be interesting. Yikes.

So my final thought. I'll confess that part of the reason I was so upset the other night is that I miss people. Friends (old and new) who I'm not near this summer. Here's the thing: I really try to keep up with people from school and people from home. I call people a lot. I write people a lot. And I feel like nobody really gives a damn about what I'm up to this summer. Maybe not even that so much....just the fact that no one has ever really called me up to say "what's new?" or "how are things going up there?" My family, who lives 250 miles away from me, doesn't even really do it and I get sort of pissed about it. It kind of hurts, actually. I'm pretty sure people don't realize it, and mean nothing by it but it frustrates me nevertheless.

Goal for the next post: Less venting. Less talking about my social life. More talking about something profound?? Eh. I'll work on that one. Maybe I'll have a funny story for next time. For those who read this far: thanks. I promise I read everyone else's blog, and I really enjoy it.

Hope everyone's doing okay out there, wherever you are. Here's to what's left of summer! Peace.

How do I put this?

I'm not in a good mood right now, at all. I feel very...conflicted and angry. The worst part is, there are so many things running through my mind and I've just been trying to make sense of it all this entire evening. Not even absolute silence is helping. All I can really say: I feel so alone right now. Maybe more on this later when I can make more sense of my thoughts. But right now, I need to try to sleep and I'm not entirely sure that's possible.

Goodnight.

What I've Grown to Learn So Far This Summer.

I need to do more for myself, in terms of having fun this summer. So far, all I can legitimately say I've done is worked, researched, worked some more, and gone to class. Reminder: Yes. I asked for all of this. This is what I wanted. Therefore, do I really have the right to complain about any of it? Not so much. And I'm not really complaining I suppose, just coming to the realization that I can, and must allow, for some fun things to happen during the summer. 

So this past weekend I went to the beach for an entire day and had a great time. Got a little sunburnt, but at least I got some vitamin D because I don't see the sun much where I live. Went to this roadside hot dog stand afterwards and ate some good, fried, LDL loaded, artery clogging food. Excellent indeed. The day after, I went ice skating at the recreation center with a few friends. Then, since it was a nice day, took a drive over to an outdoor shopping mall and did some walking around to enjoy the weather a little bit. Ended up buying an expensive pair of jeans, but oh well. Its nice to enjoy a little of your money now and then. 

And now that I've written about all of this, I've come to another realization: there is nothing terribly exciting about my summer. Yet, I'm not really unhappy. I think this summer has been HUGELY self improvement, which I am a big fan of. And so far, I feel like I've been successful in that respect. Between improving my nursing knowledge, going to class, learning the ropes of research, working out and going through self taught fiscal responsibility, I feel like I've come miles in just a short amount of time. 

Luckily, I got a phone call a few days ago from my mom. Now, I have to admit, I love my mom to death but she will call you to say something that only takes 3 minutes and end up talking for 30! Oh boy. Anyways, she called to tell me that we (my family) are going on vacation for a week and that I should schedule off of work in advance. I was even more pleased to hear that they bought me a plane ticket so I wouldn't have to go the extra long distance since I'm not living at home anymore. I was very pleased about this and am really looking forward to going away in a month. 

I have so far to go. In general. Take that as you will. But its only the understanding of how far I've come that will keep me motivated. Think I'm going to go out with some of my brothers tonight. I need it. But my challenge to myself and everyone else: don't forget to make time for yourself. It will keep you sane in the long run. I'm guilty of losing sight of this often. So again and again, I remind myself. 

One more thing: to those of you who blog - I haven't seen much blogging lately! Write! I really want something to read and I want to know how you're doing. If you don't blog, well...maybe you should. Its therapeutic. I feel better already :) 

Hope to hear from you soon. Peace!

Worn. Out.

I don't have too much on my mind at the moment, except the fact that I know its been about two weeks since my last update and I felt like maybe I would just write about everything that's been going on recently. So, here we go!

To start, I have been driving home to my parents' house the past 3 weekends in a row. My sister graduated high school, had her senior dance recital and massive party at my parents' house (and, of course, I was recruited to help with all the logistics). I'm proud of her. I think she will do great in college. I do however worry about her, but thats a discussion for another time. 

I love my family, I love being home. However, driving four hours there and four hours back to where I currently live takes A LOT of energy out of my weekend. Who would have ever thought?  Its a pretty mindless chore, cruise control/lane changing and all. Basically, I just crank my music and don't stop unless I have to get gas or go to the bathroom. Its my time to just zone out and allow thoughts to come to me. Ironically, nothing too profound has popped into my head. Just the thought that maybe this summer I've bitten off more than I can chew. But let me tell you: I'm going to chew it. 

That brings me to my next topic: Work. I've been working my ass off over the past few weeks. Last week, they put me on nights. This means I get to work at 11 pm and don't leave until 7:30 am the next morning. I didn't think it would be all that bad. Damn was I wrong. I don't think I've ever consumed that much coffee in my life. And you figure, working in a hospital, that most of the patients will be asleep not needing much. Not necessarily the case. There are labs to be drawn, vitals to be taken, cultures to be obtained, IV tubing to be primed, etc. I am glad to have my evening shift back starting next week. 

Today I started class. Right now, I don't have a great read on how its going to be work wise, but I think I'm going to like the class in general. Its about Science Fiction works (which I know NOTHING about) but the introduction today was actually quite interesting despite the fact I had to try so hard not to fall asleep after my hectic work and travel schedule. 

I'm a bit music deprived. I've been needing a piano to sit at. Badly. I'm working on convincing my house to buy one. Even for $500 bucks, thats hard to convince them to do. I'll update if this changes. 

So thats really it for now. I think I'll go to the bookstore and walk around the mall, just because I can. I don't have work at either of my two jobs today (imagine that?). So to everyone out there, keep blogging! I love to take some time to sit down, relax and catch up on how people are doing. Talk to you all soon, expect more frequent posts. 

Peace.

Hammers and Strings

Its good to be home this weekend. I've been away for about three months and I really needed this time to catch up with my family (not to mention the fact that my sister is graduating from high school this weekend). However, this weekend has been a reminder of how my past is still following and haunting me. By past, I mean my time with the band. 

I've been to a few graduation parties over the past few days. Its usually a great way to reconnect with old friends and see people who you haven't talked to in a really long time. But to make things awkward, I've had so many people ask about the band. "I love your music!" says one person I know. "I bought all of your stuff on iTunes and listen to it all the time! When will your full length be coming out?" It makes my stomach turn when I have to tell people about the choices I've made. It causes me pain to think about the friendships I formed with the other members of the band and how they have dissolved completely over the past few months. No more are those late nights of me lying in bed, wide awake after a show, with my ears ringing and pulse pounding. It was such a big part of my life. And as lame as it sounds, I've had issues with letting it go. 

This afternoon at a graduation party, there was a local cover band playing. Between songs the host yells, "Have you guys ever heard of that band, (fill in my band's name here *privacy*)?" And I'm thinking "Yeah right lady. You really think they will have ever heard of us?" Much to my surprise, the lead singer goes, "Yeah...(pause) as a matter of fact I have! Great songwriting! I even went to one of their shows a year back when they opened for (insert headliner here) and I  left being more impressed with them than (insert headliner here)!"

I just melted inside. I can't even believe that something I've been so quick to just want to leave in the past has left such a lasting impression on so many people. Who knows what will happen to the band, but the bottom line is this: Music lasts forever. After tonight, I'm a little bit more grounded and remember that I believe everything happens for a reason. I could write an entire blog post on my view of "fate" but I'll spare that for now. 

I'm a piano player, it was my first "musical love" I guess you can say. For those who don't know, a piano is made up of hammers and strings that give the piano sound. I love playing, I will always love playing. I'll leave you with a song by the band Jack's Mannequin that describes this aspect (and other aspects) my life right now. Plus, its pretty much been stuck in my head all day:

These hammers and strings been following me around

From a box-filled garage to the dark punk rock clubs of one thousand American towns

And my friend calls me up, she says "How have you been?"

I say "Dear I've been well! Yeah, the money's come in, but I miss you like hell.

I still hear you in this old piano"

She says, "Andy, I know that we don't talk as much but I still hear your ghost in these old punk rock clubs. Come on, write me a song. Give me something to trust. Just promise you won't let it be just the keys that you touch."

Give me something to believe in. 

A breath from the breathing. So write it down, I don't think that I'll close my eyes.

'Cause lately I'm not dreaming, so what's the point in sleeping?

Its just that at night, I've got nowhere to hide.

So I write you a lullaby.

These hammers and strings been following me around. 

Behind passenger vans, through the snow, dirt and sands, of one thousand American towns.

And my friend calls me up with her heart heavy still

She says, "Andy, the doctors prescribed me the pills.

but I know I'm not crazy, I just lost my will. 

So why am I? Why am I taking them still?

Give me something to believe in. 

A breath from the breathing. So write it down, I don't think that I'll close my eyes.

'Cause lately I'm not dreaming, so what's the point in sleeping?

Its just that at night, I've got nowhere to hide.

To the sleepless this is my reply:

I write you a lullaby.

Goodnight. Sleep well. Peace.

Its Been Awhile, but Its all Going Well.

This week was my first week working the new job at the hospital. I really really enjoyed my first week, but boy did it wear me out! The day shifts start at 7 am and I worked four of them back to back this week. Plus, I was out on a Wednesday night because a good friend of mine turned 21. Work hard, play hard. Thats the motto I usually live by. 

I really don't have many complaints as of lately. The only thing is that I'm sad because I miss people who have gone away for the summer. But it really makes my day to talk to them every now and then, whether it be on the phone, text, email, etc. 

Also, this past week, I had a really good conversation with a friend who I haven't known for very long. Turns out, they really motivated me to give some aspects of my life a chance. I was down about something I wasn't really so sure about, but this friend reminded me that I need to have the courage to give some things a chance. I can't really elaborate on that now, but maybe if/when the time is appropriate, I will. It made me that much more glad that I'm friends with that person now. 

I'll be visiting home this coming weekend, as the sister will be graduating high school. Boy do I feel old. Looking forward to it very much. I love my family and miss them. It will be good to catch up after all these months away.

Something I learned this week that I want to leave with you: compliment people often. Telling someone something positive about themselves can bring a smile to their face and it just makes you feel really warm inside. This world would be better if we all just took a few seconds to tell each other what we admire in each other.

Have a good week. Enjoy the beautiful weather, if you have it where you are :P 

Peace.