I Need Something More Genuine...

Alright. I can't fall asleep because I have this on my mind (I have trouble sleeping if stuff is bothering me, its just how I am). If you're reading, don't assume I'm talking about you and get all worried, most of this is just general. And don't take this the wrong way but I feel like I need more genuine relationships. That's just it, plain and simple. One of my pet peeves is fake people. Don't play mind games with me, tell me how something is. If you have a problem with something, let me know. Be honest. Lack of communication never solved anything. 

Take my most recent girlfriend for example. She would never come out and say (immediately) how she felt about something and this drove me nuts! If there is something you need to say, just come right and and say it for shit's sake!

I want friendships that are real. Friendships with substance. Sometimes I feel like that may be asking for too much, but I feel like I am constantly giving and giving of myself and not receiving anything in return. I don't know how better else to explain it right now than this: sometimes, I feel like the effort I put into my friendships with certain people is not reciprocated. Yet, I believe this is the life I'm called to: To love without expecting it in return all the time. But I'm finding you can only go so far without receiving love in return before it starts to truly wear on you.

 I don't know if any of this makes sense. I'm not going to go back and read it because I'm working at 7 am tomorrow and I really need to fall asleep like its my job. 

If you take away anything from this post, let it be this: I love my friends. Really. No bullshit, I love them. I am a bit overprotective of them at times. I don't care, its how I'm hardwired as a human being. I would do anything for my friends. I lose heart because I wonder and wonder and wonder...does it go the same way for me? This was rough. Until next time. Goodnight.